friends.....or are they?
Sometimes I envy my few friends, or at least I think they're my friends. Sometimes though I have to wonder....
I feel sometimes that I'm some sort of a backup that they can brag about all the stuff they're doing and stuff and all that they are doing is with other friends....I hate all these clieqs or grouping that happen, mainly because I tend to get left out and have one or two friends in each of those groups but somehow I'm never invited and I don't fit in....
I'm mainly writing this because I'm so tired of hearing about what all my "friends" are doing and not being "allowed" to participate, like this one group that contains a lot of my best friends or those people I've been around for ages and grew up with, they are really socaially active, parties going to movies and stuff, they manage to contact each other just fine and they have my GSM number too but for some reason my phone stays silent, they never let me know if they're planning something and stuff.
I guess I'm not good enough for them? I doesn't feel that way, because whenever I show up or the few times I DO get notified they are always really happy to have me along....
So I'm not that sure as what to think....
At least, they're inconsidered bastards that leave me out.......or at worst, they're doing it on purpose and keep me around to laugh at me and play with me like a pet....
BTW, I haven't been blogging here which means simply that my other blog is more active and I don't have anything to complain about that I don't want any that knows me too well to see. (They'll find this page eventually but it won't matter then)
I started this page as my personal grief page so I can went some steam, and write in english, I have spoken english like a native "something" since I was 7 years old and today when my friends above are struggling through some text I read them like they were in Icelandic. Saves alot of study time, and thus it appears to my friends that I don't study at all....
Maybe that's the reason they've got the impression that I'm a "know it all, annoying nerd" ?
don't know I just don't jnow I just feel bad.....depressed about this, always have and probably always will feel bad about this.
Godamn it ! Why do humans need to be such a socially dependant species? It just adds to mental diseases such as my social anxiety/phobia ;)
Anyways 04:24 GMT, here should go get some sleep.
I feel sometimes that I'm some sort of a backup that they can brag about all the stuff they're doing and stuff and all that they are doing is with other friends....I hate all these clieqs or grouping that happen, mainly because I tend to get left out and have one or two friends in each of those groups but somehow I'm never invited and I don't fit in....
I'm mainly writing this because I'm so tired of hearing about what all my "friends" are doing and not being "allowed" to participate, like this one group that contains a lot of my best friends or those people I've been around for ages and grew up with, they are really socaially active, parties going to movies and stuff, they manage to contact each other just fine and they have my GSM number too but for some reason my phone stays silent, they never let me know if they're planning something and stuff.
I guess I'm not good enough for them? I doesn't feel that way, because whenever I show up or the few times I DO get notified they are always really happy to have me along....
So I'm not that sure as what to think....
At least, they're inconsidered bastards that leave me out.......or at worst, they're doing it on purpose and keep me around to laugh at me and play with me like a pet....
BTW, I haven't been blogging here which means simply that my other blog is more active and I don't have anything to complain about that I don't want any that knows me too well to see. (They'll find this page eventually but it won't matter then)
I started this page as my personal grief page so I can went some steam, and write in english, I have spoken english like a native "something" since I was 7 years old and today when my friends above are struggling through some text I read them like they were in Icelandic. Saves alot of study time, and thus it appears to my friends that I don't study at all....
Maybe that's the reason they've got the impression that I'm a "know it all, annoying nerd" ?
don't know I just don't jnow I just feel bad.....depressed about this, always have and probably always will feel bad about this.
Godamn it ! Why do humans need to be such a socially dependant species? It just adds to mental diseases such as my social anxiety/phobia ;)
Anyways 04:24 GMT, here should go get some sleep.
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