dreams

I have some dreams of what kind of a person I'd like to be and the ways to achieve that goal. But best laid plans...you know.

I'd really like to serve in the armed forces but guess what I was born in a country which has none, so any attempt to join any army is somewhat hard because of the "terrorists" and the understandable foreign phobia...I guess that there's always the French Foreign Legion and yes I have considered that...but minimun 5 years of service sounds a bit steep...but I'm going to have 2 years to plan any kinf of army adventure because I got to finish college first.

Second, I have the distinct suspicion that the universe has no intent of me becoming a father in the nearby future. I'm surprising even myself for thinking about this subject which I think is a new low in my minds attempts to depress myself. Plus my former classmates and the few friends I have, have been kids as of late, a lot of them actually, I feel like I'm being left behind...that I'm slow...

You see, my latest theory is that my mind is my enemy, my enemy is trying to belittle me and depress. It conjures up these visions of my future which are depressing and frightening...why? I have no fking clue....

To be honest I'm not so sure that it is the wrong image....

I'm 24, I have never been in a relationship *ever*, I have had a non existant sex life for 4 years, my social network is limited, I'm fending off depression, social phobia and I'm losing that battle...

Man...it is that bad...I hate my mind...